Delta 2nd Sem 2nd Day

Well, holidays disrupted my writing momentum, or rather it was a lame attempt in hiding my irresponsible action by blaming holidays instead of admitting my laziness as the culprit. Well, I think being lazy during holidays is perfectly ok right ? In fact, not lazing around during holiday looks more like a crime to me, considering all the hectic periods that i went through last trimester.

Actually I was doing MESCORP work during the break, was rushing for the proposal. Ok, was “gingerly” rushing for the proposal. It was just damn weird to have something proper to do during your holidays. Furthermore, whenever there is a slight urge to write a post here, I would have thought, god, you have something proper to do and you come and post in your blog ? What the hell are you thinking? Well, considering I am a lazy guy as you all have got to know, the consequence is that this blog is neglected. Ouch, sorry bloggy…

Somehow I’ve always have a strange phenomena happening on me, not really as serious as a phenomena, but I don’t know what word to put it. Should write more to get the writing flow back. Anyway, whenever i’m not in front of my computer, especially on my bed trying to sleep at night, I’ve always thought about a lot of things that could be written. Then, all the stuffs keep spinning in my mind and i had a hard time trying to sleep. Nevertheless, when i am finally in front of the computer, I felt like just playing games or just watch dramas or do something that just entertains me, rather than etching what my feeling was. I mean it’s like the writing mood more often then not, came at the wrong time for me. During the holidays, I went out with my brother and cousin to watch football, being with them makes me feel and realize that i’m only just one and a half years away from graduating. Suddenly, i begin to realize the weight and responsibility on my shoulders. You really is an adult now. Even now, as independent as i look, i’m still in the wings of my parents, no doubt about it. Being an adult, as in graduating requires you to stand on your own, without help or shelter. As in no more blames that can be attached to anyone else but you. Not only that, you are now responsible to take care of other people. Who knows in a few years time, maybe I’ll be having my own family, and maybe in the coming few years, I would be transformed from having the right to hide behind somebody’s else coattails to having to be the pillar that others can hold on to. It’s quite a big thing to come to think about. You look at the expenses that you have, and you have to come out with the cash to settle your debts or expenses. It is just soo mind boggling to come to think of that you might be doing something that you wouldn’t necessary like in order to survive. Worse still, you will be even more restricted if you have a family, where you have to be the man! where the young one’s look up to, your wife depends on, and you still have your parents to take care. Adult is no longer just a word if you consider it’s responsibility.

Ok, talk about the coming trimester. It looks light on schedule. I only have compiler and translator to study since malaysian studies is just a pass fail subject. I really hope to do well in this trimester, ya, like I always do, thanks for reminding. But then, I hope to walk the talk again. MESCORP will be gathering pace this trimester, I hope everything goes well, as in the dynamics between people, because this is the element I couldn’t control. I’ve kind of make a habit of having less wishes. Dedicating all to those that I care that if all this luck and wishes exist, at least I know they are well protected and looked after which I couldn’t always do. Things regarding myself, I know what is happening to me, and of course will work my situation out instead of sitting in a corner and depend on luck. Anyway, I wouldn’t really mind if people spend their wishes or luck on me though ! LOL….

 I just exchanged messages with Anne just now, it reminds me of the alpha times. Actually my memories about alpha was not that much, cause I’m not someone with good memories though. She just gave me an impression of like a long old friend that I haven’t contacted for a long long time. To be frank, I’m not a really outgoing guy that loves to make friends. I would like to keep my circle of friends under control without having too much friends. Why ? because I feel that I want to know and understand them well, as in not just a Hi, Bye kind of friend. It’s just meaningless if that is what you call friend. Sometimes I might be cold to people that I just didn’t have that much conversation with. I am mostly scared about not being to maintain a friendship then anything. Example like high school classmates, there are people that you were really really close with, you really think that he will feature in your life forever, but then fast forward and stop right here, we weren’t keeping in touch much, although sometimes I tried to, I felt that our path has deviated. It’s getting harder and harder to keep in touch. It’s some kind like some friendships to me, i think most really has an expiry date written all over it that we convinced ourselves that it doesn’t exist. That’s why I’ve never have a best friend, let alone girl friend. Good friends yes, in different periods of time, people come in and come out of that category. I’ve tried to fight the tide and keep my good close friends as close as I can, but you know, as time goes on, you really realize that it is quite impossible and childish to do that. I hope that from time to time we get to know how things are really happening in the other far end of the globe(that’s just how far it feels), and not just having to savour the remnants of memories that I had.