Just when I thought I have seen the light, breathing fresh air after months of endless fighting for survival, I’m now into a much deeper and harder situation than before. Funnily enough, it is yet another one year project that is driving my brain to the brink of insanity. I thought MESCORP was hard.
During the last few months of MESCORP, it feels like I’m trapped inside a landslide in a mine, and that my only chance of survival is to dig myself out of trouble. (I know its a crappy example, but assume that you can see with the lights underground operating lah!)
Well, one thing in your mind at that time is to continue digging, in the direction that you hope to once again look up to the sky in a broad day light, breathing fresh air like what once was taken for granted. One thing good about me being stubborn is that when used properly, in a good way, it becomes a strong determination, that I was impressed myself ! Well, when you are fighting for survival, you rally your comrades around, some are really capable and competent enough to fight hand in hand with you, which gives you some solace (well, somehow) and spurring yourself on for the passage for survival. For those that offered half hearted help, …… I understand at that time, a few comrades fighting in hand were somewhat pissed off when me as a leader for survival doesn’t give them some stern lecture or really put the hammer down on bringing them up to dig for survival, because in the end, it is not fair if you and the colleagues that digged successfully out to safety, whilst people that doesn’t really bother much about their own survival that in short, doesn’t pull their own weight, are safe after all, by following the passage that you have created. Well, if this was a few years ago, I will just explode and finger point anyone at will but you know, I have tried my best in rallying the whole group together, and for those that wanted to fight together, I’ll appreciate it, for those that does not, no point in worrying about their attitude. Of course, I survived, my highly appreciated comrades survives as well. Or else, I wouldn’t have written this.
The feeling of seeing the first ray of sunlight piercing through the feeble wall of mud is really overwhelming. For it represents that all your hardwork and effort are rewarded with survival. I digged at day, I worried and combat with doubt at night (erm, actually I’ve screwed up between day and night at times as in body clock). I have problems to calm myself and sleep peacefully, as well as fighting against my will at times to crawl back up from my sleep. But throughout the whole process of reaching out to the outside world, I was single-minded, digging in that single direction, whether at times I encounter some solid rock that needed explosives to remove my barriers, I am dead sure that the only way out is behind the rock, so, I have to overcome this no matter what it takes because I don’t want and cannot afford to die, I simply cannot die. When you can actually feel a slight wind blowing, as well as rays of penetrating sunlights, well, you are filled with wild imaginations and scenes of flashback throughout your whole chapter of survival.
I lived, because I won my battle, We won our battle, and I won a lifetime friendship with my comrades.
Just felt that it is best to end writing here, I know, I haven’t enter into the topic of this entry, but hopefully, I don’t have to write the continuation of this post as I really hope to solve my current problem as soon as possible. Well, feeling a bit inspired, time to sign off !
